Benefits of Membership: Actually there isn't a membership, not even a secret decoder ring or "foreign allocation", but if you take the oath you too may write for Turd of the Week. All your submission has to do is be funny and/or agree with the editor's own personal views. What do you get out of it, a book deal like Paul Gardner? No, just the self-satisfaction of knowing you've skewered some wanker who desperately needs impalement.
Turd of the Week Oath: "I, <name>, TotW <editor/loyal reader/other TotW staff position>, do hereby swear upon my soul, my mother's grave, a sweaty old boot the dog chewed up, and most importantly my team scarf, to spare no effort, to shirk no sacrifice, in pursuing to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game. I will not rest until every knob who works for MLS has been found a TotW dishonoree."
Take the TotW Oath by clipping the above, filling in the blanks, and mailing it to Preston McMurry. Your name will be included below.
The following persons have taken the TotW Oath:
Preston McMurry, Editor
Alex Butler, Loyal Reader
Amanda Miller, First Lady
Andy Upton, Loyal Reader
Andrew 'Elninho' Hsieh, Resident Chemist / Blue Rider
Anthony Calabrese, Supreme Legal Eagle
Anthony 'HammerHead Balboa' Fernandez, Loyal Reader
Bill Archer, Chief Apologist
Bill Quigley, Chicago Correspondent
Brian Baxter, Bay Area Correspondent
Brian 'Ghost Dog' Leiszter, Pornographic Film Critic
Brian 'Tiberius' Guilfoos, Royal Engineer
Chris Caron, Agitator and 5th Columnist
Dan 'AndyDan' Anderson, Loyal Reader
Dave Morris, Paul Gardner Memorial Paper Coach
Dave Schulz, Speculum Technician
Doug Welch, Loyal Reader
Dr. Chuck Pearson, Rumormonger (Columbus Branch)
Edward K. 'Blue Lightning' Simpson, Broke College Student / Cheap Bastard
Erich Gipson, Tampa Bay Correspondent / Roving Reporter
Eric W. Miller, Loyal Reader Extraordinaire
Jerome Berglund, Loyal Reader
Jim Gregory, Bribe Taker
Jonathon Long, Intern
Kevin 'The Gooner' Essington, Histrionicist
Jeff Parker, Loyal Reader
John McCall, Olympic Briber
Mark Harrison Coker, Loyal Reader
Mark Molina, Loyal Reader & Alaves Supporter
Matt Larson, Iowa City Bureau Chief
Michael Heaney, Environmental Engineer
Michael Lamb, Secretary of Propaganda
Michael Lattarulo, Unofficial Washington Lobbyist / Misanthrope
Michael Witry, TotW Minister Without Portfolio
Mike Carroll, Loyal Reader
Mike DePriest, Loyal Reader
Mike 'mikeyratt' Garbett, Loyal Reserve Team Member
Mike Jones, Liaison
Mike 'Merlin' Storey, Porcelain Inspector
Good Lord! What's with all the Mikes? How about some equal time for the Basils and Percivals of the world?
Nick 'Tree' Rollins, Little Drummer Boy
Nobby Watts, Loyal Reader
Peter Goldstein, Watcher of Every Minute of the World Cup since 1986
Rich Paschette, Indoor Don Quixote
RobbyG, Loyal Reader
Robert McMullen, Loyal Reader
Roberto Alvarez, Affirmative Action Coordinator
Ron Stickney, Loyal Reader
Sean Swift, Third Division Superstar
Sean Brockette, Special Operations Commander
Sean 'Blue' Cable, TotW loyal reader
Scott 'Arbitro' Armstrong, SOTG Interpreter
Scott Weckman, NTX Coach
Slava 'Shurik' Malamud, Reserve Goalkeeper
Stephen J. Holroyd, Historian
Steve 'stevieb' Bunten, Loyal Reader
Thomas 'Nanook' Agosti, Alaska Correspondent
Tim Morris, Philosopher-at-Large
Trevor Sunderland, Hong Kong Correspondent
William 'Frustrated Left Back' Berry, TotW Recidivist Felony Offender (and some other $10 words)
